Katie told me that she had a good dream last night, and it got me thinking. I wonder how the dreams of those with Autism are different than our dreams? I have very vivid dreams on a regular basis that I can recall in great detail for a long time. Sometimes they are so lifelike that I have a hard time seperating what is real from what was in my imagination. I am sure everyone has a different style of dreaming. My husband says that he never dreams. But since autistim affects the brain activity and thought process, I really wonder what that does to their imagination.
I know Katie has a very active imagination. She creates scenes and scenerios in her head on an hourly basis, holding entire conversations with herself (or as she says, "my friends"). She argues and laughs and even gets in fights sometimes, with herself. So I can only imagine what her subconscience comes up with when she is fast asleep. That raises the question, does she even have a conscience or a subconscience? She knows right from wrong, but doesn't seem to think too much about the consequences of her actions. That would indicate to me that she does have a conscience, but it is not very developed. She does try to be a good person, but sometimes cannot stop herself from acting up, even if it is pointed out to her that what she is doing is wrong in some way.
Katie loves to plan for the future. It is usually just planning the next party or what we are having for dinner, but sometimes she goes as far as planning what she wants to be when she grows up (a worker at Disney), or where she wants to live (at home, forever). I don't know if I would consider that "dreaming" as much as I would see it as just looking ahead. Dreaming in an awake sense would mean she was picturing herself as achieving a goal, or fullfilling some fantasy. Dreaming in an asleep sense would be like watching a movie that you are starring in. Which does she do? Does she dream it all, or does she dream entirely differently than anything we could imagine? When I asked her about her dream, her description did not allow me any clues to these questions. She just said that she was swimming with her friends, and the next night she said her dream picked up from where it had left off the night before. That is really hard to tell if she is just remembering a fun event that she had experienced, or actually dreaming it.
There is really no good reason why I want to know about her dreams. It won't help me or her in any way if I uncover the secrets to her dreaming. I am just very curious about what goes on in that head of hers. She fancinates me and perplexes me and frustrates me and amazes me all at the same time. I would love to think that she can have wonderful fantasies of whatever her heart desires. It would be interesting to know what moves her, what drives her, what inspires her and perplexes her. I know more about her fears than about her motivations. It is easy to see what limits her, but I would love to tap in to what makes her soar. I would love to, just for a moment, dream up an Adventure in Autism together.
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