I am always in a hurry. I have been rushing around since the day I was born. I will admit that I have a very busy lifestyle, with 3 kids who are in a bunch of different sports, a busy husband, and 2 jobs. I also have to be honest and say my "time issues" are not exclusively related to all that. I am one of those people that have to be at least 15 minutes early for everything, or I will start freaking out. My heart starts pounding, I start to sweat, and then my stomach will start to hurt. Everyone has their issues, everyone has their quirks, and this is mine. God knew this about me, and thought it would be really funny to send me Katie, the human turtle.
Katie is in no big hurry to do anything or go anywhere. Getting her out of bed in the morning is a chore in itself. She will literally sit in the bathroom for a half hour if I let her. I know alot of people are like this, especially teens, but she is to the extreme. There is no option of letting her get herself ready because it would never happen. Beyond being sleepy in the morning, she is just not motivated to do just about anything. If I tell her to do something, I have to tell her about 5 times before she actually does it. I am not sure how Autism plays into all of this, but I do know she is easily distracted and looses her train of thought. If the TV is on, she will stop whatever she is doing and watch it. If someone is talking, she will have to eavesdrop and find out what is going on. Sometimes I feel like a drill sergeant, barking orders at her.
Walking upstairs, going to bed at night, is like she is walking in slow motion. She puts her hands down straight at her sides like a soldier, and takes one slooowwww step at a time. I can stand behind her and yell, but that doesn't make her go any faster. When we are in a hurry to go somewhere, or it's the end of a long day, I just about go out of my mind with frustration. I don't think I can acurately paint a picture of how riduculously slow she can move. I know she isn't doing it to make me mad, I know in my heart that she wouldn't tourture me on purpose. I also know that 92% of this is MY problem, and I need to just chill out and take a deep breath. That does not make it any easier to handle. These are the times when I really don't like myself as a parent. Knowing that your child cannot help what they are doing but feeling angry and frustrated anyway, that is the hardest part. A parent is supposed to give their child unconditional love, right? It doesn't feel like unconditional love when I am seeing red. I feel like a monster, and looking back on the moment later on, I feel terrible.
So what can I do about this? What can I do to hurry Katie along, or more resonably learn to deal with her slowness? I have no idea what so ever. There are many aspects of Autism that I have faced. Many challenges that we have conquered together. Sometimes, however, our Adventures in Autism create issues that we just can't solve, and to me that is the hardest thing of all.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tipping My Hand
I just attended my 20 year high school reunion this past weekend. I am not sure who was more excited about it, me or Katie. She has been closely following the plans all year, studying my yearbook, stalking my former classmates on Facebook, and wanting to know exactly who would be attending. Every time we would run into a friend at a store, or church, or in the community, she would ask, "Are they going to be at the reunion party?" When the day day came, she could barely contain herself. She was very excited that my childhood best friend was there with her children. When the reunion group took a tour of the school, I let her walk with her friends, but kept a close eye on her. My husband kept saying, " She is fine, relax", but I wasn't sure how she would act or how my former classmates would react to her.
Thanks to the miracle of the internet, it is so easy to keep in touch with people that you haven't seen in years. Years ago, reunions were spent filling everyone in on what you had been doing that past 10 or 20 years. Now we get hourly updates on everyone we have ever met, so you can go up to someone you haven't seen in 5 years and say, "I loved your vacation pictures!" Because of this, and because I am so vocal about Katie and her Autism, I knew that my classmates would be aware of her and her "Katie-isms". I was actually very comfortable about her being around everyone. At one point she suddenly decided she needed to be personally introduced to everyone there. I told them, "You haven't officially attended the reunion until you have met Katie!" She LOVED that, and laughed and said "Hi" to everyone there, shaking their hands. She gave out quite a few hugs as well, especially to those that she already knew. The feeling of acceptance that I felt for her was overwhelming though. You really never know how people are going to act, and I was touched that so many took the time to speak with her and get to know her a little.
Over the next 2 days during the reunion activities, I was approached over and over again about how my classmates have been following this blog. One had told me that she feels like she has a glimpse into the world of Autism when she reads them, and although she doesn't personally know anyone with Autism, she has a better understanding of it from my blog. Another commented on how "raw" my blogs were, telling it like it is, "warts and all". Instead of trying to act like every day is perfect and magical, I am tipping my hand to show what life is really like. I don't hide our pain or our struggles or even our success. I try very hard to reflect not only what Katie and my family experience, but also share what other families affected by Autism go through. However, since I include others, I have to be cautious to not offend anyone, or misrepresent them. I hope that those who read my blog understand this. That this is just me and my take on my daughters life, and I would never want to hurt others by what I have to say.
I don't take praise very well, I usually try to deflect it somehow, but I was really touched at how many people enjoy what I have to say, and look forward to reading about our adventures. It really touched my heart that my classmates took the time to speak with me about my writings, and about Katie and how she is doing. They could have easily just talked about themselves, or high school, or about anything else. But time and again they approached me to say how amazed they are with her, and how they look forward to my postings. As embarrassed as I get when someone focuses on me or something I do, I love to hear that I was able to teach others about our Adventures in Autism. To help others understand how different our life is, and to let them know how much I love my Katie.
Thanks to the miracle of the internet, it is so easy to keep in touch with people that you haven't seen in years. Years ago, reunions were spent filling everyone in on what you had been doing that past 10 or 20 years. Now we get hourly updates on everyone we have ever met, so you can go up to someone you haven't seen in 5 years and say, "I loved your vacation pictures!" Because of this, and because I am so vocal about Katie and her Autism, I knew that my classmates would be aware of her and her "Katie-isms". I was actually very comfortable about her being around everyone. At one point she suddenly decided she needed to be personally introduced to everyone there. I told them, "You haven't officially attended the reunion until you have met Katie!" She LOVED that, and laughed and said "Hi" to everyone there, shaking their hands. She gave out quite a few hugs as well, especially to those that she already knew. The feeling of acceptance that I felt for her was overwhelming though. You really never know how people are going to act, and I was touched that so many took the time to speak with her and get to know her a little.
Over the next 2 days during the reunion activities, I was approached over and over again about how my classmates have been following this blog. One had told me that she feels like she has a glimpse into the world of Autism when she reads them, and although she doesn't personally know anyone with Autism, she has a better understanding of it from my blog. Another commented on how "raw" my blogs were, telling it like it is, "warts and all". Instead of trying to act like every day is perfect and magical, I am tipping my hand to show what life is really like. I don't hide our pain or our struggles or even our success. I try very hard to reflect not only what Katie and my family experience, but also share what other families affected by Autism go through. However, since I include others, I have to be cautious to not offend anyone, or misrepresent them. I hope that those who read my blog understand this. That this is just me and my take on my daughters life, and I would never want to hurt others by what I have to say.
I don't take praise very well, I usually try to deflect it somehow, but I was really touched at how many people enjoy what I have to say, and look forward to reading about our adventures. It really touched my heart that my classmates took the time to speak with me about my writings, and about Katie and how she is doing. They could have easily just talked about themselves, or high school, or about anything else. But time and again they approached me to say how amazed they are with her, and how they look forward to my postings. As embarrassed as I get when someone focuses on me or something I do, I love to hear that I was able to teach others about our Adventures in Autism. To help others understand how different our life is, and to let them know how much I love my Katie.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Passing Me Up
Most of my relatives are pretty tall. My brother, sister and father all stand over 6 feet, and my mother is just under that. I am only 5'6", and I say "only" in comparison to my family. I know that I am of average height for a woman, but I actually had to stand on a box in our family portrait. It should be no surprise to me that my daughters are showing every sign of passing me up in height. My oldest daughter looks me right in the eye, and Katie is not far behind her. I think I am only an inch or so taller, but since she has been growing over an inch every few months, my reign as the tallest female in the house is almost over.
I am an overprotective mother, I will admit. Especially when it comes to Katie. If we are crossing the street, or walking across a parking lot, I hold her hand. It is not that I don't trust her, or think she is a baby. But she lacks a certain sense of safety. She lacks a ceratin awareness of her surroundings. She would be the one to walk right in front of a car, not even paying attention or looking both ways. So there we go, holding hands, and now we are almost the same height. Do we look goofy? Probably. I could care less what people think when they see a teenager holding hands with her mother. My main concern is how Katie sees herself. I do not want to embarrass her or undermind her quest to be a teenager. Once again I walk the fine line between protecting her and letting her be as normal as she can.
Fostering inderpendance in a child that has a disablity is a double edged sword. Obviously I want Katie to be able to take complete care of herself physically. It would be so much easier if I could just tell her to go get ready for school, and she was able to do it all, and do it right. But Katie has poor fine motor coordination, as well as somewhat limited control over her gross motor (so her body is all over the place). The results are clothes inside out and backward, pants not buttoned or zipped, and crazy hair. It takes 5 times as long from letting her do everything herself and then fixing it, to just plain doing everything for her. I am sure you can see the dilema. When mornings are hurried, like almost every one is, I want to take over and get the job done. But, at the end of it all, who am I really helping?
I don't think this problem is exclusive to parents of children with special needs. I think there is a point in every parent's life when they have to decide to pull back. To let their child spread their wings. Sometimes we would like to chase after them, carrying a safety net to catch them if they fall. But you better not let them see you. Half the importance of letting them go is to instill in them the confidence and sense of accomplishment. Letting them learn from their mistakes, letting them test the waters of life. But at the same time we are holding our breathe, poised to spring into action if they need us, waiting on that call. One of the best feelings in life is to be needed by your child. But we have to put that aside, and wish them to grow up and find their own way. Growing up is a different process for Katie though. She is way behind other girls her age when it comes to maturity and independance. I try to create situations where she feels grown up and like a teenager, but still has the supervision that she needs.
One day in the near future, she will finally pass me up. Then she will be the one reaching down to me, leading me along. There is not a guide book or a manual for raising a child with Autism. There is no "set time" that you let them go. Each child is different in their challenges and their strengths. I have to learn to trust my instincts when it comes to these things. Learn to hide behind the bushes when she walks down the street, call her friends house to check up on her without her knowing that I am. Our Adventures in Autism won't end when Katie is taller than me,.
I am an overprotective mother, I will admit. Especially when it comes to Katie. If we are crossing the street, or walking across a parking lot, I hold her hand. It is not that I don't trust her, or think she is a baby. But she lacks a certain sense of safety. She lacks a ceratin awareness of her surroundings. She would be the one to walk right in front of a car, not even paying attention or looking both ways. So there we go, holding hands, and now we are almost the same height. Do we look goofy? Probably. I could care less what people think when they see a teenager holding hands with her mother. My main concern is how Katie sees herself. I do not want to embarrass her or undermind her quest to be a teenager. Once again I walk the fine line between protecting her and letting her be as normal as she can.
Fostering inderpendance in a child that has a disablity is a double edged sword. Obviously I want Katie to be able to take complete care of herself physically. It would be so much easier if I could just tell her to go get ready for school, and she was able to do it all, and do it right. But Katie has poor fine motor coordination, as well as somewhat limited control over her gross motor (so her body is all over the place). The results are clothes inside out and backward, pants not buttoned or zipped, and crazy hair. It takes 5 times as long from letting her do everything herself and then fixing it, to just plain doing everything for her. I am sure you can see the dilema. When mornings are hurried, like almost every one is, I want to take over and get the job done. But, at the end of it all, who am I really helping?
I don't think this problem is exclusive to parents of children with special needs. I think there is a point in every parent's life when they have to decide to pull back. To let their child spread their wings. Sometimes we would like to chase after them, carrying a safety net to catch them if they fall. But you better not let them see you. Half the importance of letting them go is to instill in them the confidence and sense of accomplishment. Letting them learn from their mistakes, letting them test the waters of life. But at the same time we are holding our breathe, poised to spring into action if they need us, waiting on that call. One of the best feelings in life is to be needed by your child. But we have to put that aside, and wish them to grow up and find their own way. Growing up is a different process for Katie though. She is way behind other girls her age when it comes to maturity and independance. I try to create situations where she feels grown up and like a teenager, but still has the supervision that she needs.
One day in the near future, she will finally pass me up. Then she will be the one reaching down to me, leading me along. There is not a guide book or a manual for raising a child with Autism. There is no "set time" that you let them go. Each child is different in their challenges and their strengths. I have to learn to trust my instincts when it comes to these things. Learn to hide behind the bushes when she walks down the street, call her friends house to check up on her without her knowing that I am. Our Adventures in Autism won't end when Katie is taller than me,.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Homecoming Queen
We had gone from store to store, looking for a Homecoming dress for my oldest daughter; mall to mall, driving all over. Our last stop was a local resale shop, where dresses were sorted by color. We were looking specifically for a short, green dress, per my daughters instructions. After selecting several dresses to try on, my daughter and her friend went to the dressing room. First she came out in the short, green dress she just "had to have". It was fairly hideous, with way too much beading and detail. The second was a short, poufy purple dress that reminded me of Shirley Temple. No. The last dress she came out in blew us all away. Crystal blue, with a strapless, fitted bodice, but flowing to the floor. She looked like Cinderalla. We were all speechless as she twirled around and around. We had found "THE DRESS".
As we were waiting for the friend to try on her dresses, Katie was looking around at what the store had to offer. "Mom", she says to me as she made her way around the racks, jutting her hip out to the side with her hand on her hip, "Mom, I am going to be Homecoming Queen!" I just had to laugh, for no reason other than my girls were all born with their father's confidence and not mine. "I am going to be Homecoming Queen, but if I don't win, I am still going to Homecoming." Now, Katie is just in middle school, so any chance of her going to the Homecoming Dance is still at least 3 years away. That didn't stop her from shopping for her dress (and calling double dibs on her sister's dress). She fell in love with the strappy purple number, and thought that I should buy it for her right then and there. In any case, she is bound and determined to attend that dance when it comes. And she is bound and determined to be crowned Homecoming Queen. I am not one to shatter her dreams. As long as she understands that there can only be one Queen, and a lot of girls in her class want to be it, I will go ahead and let her run for it when the time comes.
In my mind I can already picture it. Here Katie comes, clinging to her daddy's arm as he escorts her down the football field. The announcer introduces each girl, and when he comes to Katie, it goes something like this, "Next up we have Kaitlyn Cassette, escorted by her father. Katie is on the Honor Role, and a member of the National Honor Society. She is involved in Student Council and her church activities. Katie enjoys bowling, hanging out with her friends, and listening to her music. When she graduates high school, Katie dreams of being a greeter at Disneyworld." Then, as the previous queen walks back and forth amongst the girls, I will be up in the stands having a panic attack. When she finally puts the crowd on Katie's head, the crowd goes wild. I leap over the stands to attack her, and she is jumping up and down, screaming in excitement. Her grandparents are up in the stands, with her sisters and the rest of the family, beside themselves with emotion. Can you just see it? Can you picture it in your mind? Did I just make you cry?
Having a daughter with Autism is a roller coaster ride. The emotions alone take me on a ride every day of my life. A situation like the one I just described would be a culmination of 17 years of struggles, trials and tribulaions, triumphs and heartache. When Katie has something special happen, it is a direct reflection of how far she has come in her short life. The obstacles that she has navigated. It is also fullfilling to me, and her father. And to all the family, friends, teachers, and community members that have assisted her along the way. Her success is our success, and the pride we feel is overwhelming.
I am not saying that Katie is going to be the Homecoming Queen when she is a senior. But I am not saying that she won't be either. She is wanting more and more each day to do what her classmates are doing, go where they are going, and live like they are living. So who am I to tell her she can't? The whole world is out there, just waiting for her to take it on. There will be things that she will try that she will fail at. There will be things that she wants to do that she just can't do. Her heart will be broken by friends, by teachers, by her parents, by the world. But the same is just as true for my other two daughters. So if our Adventures in Autism lead her to becoming royalty, I will be the first in line to shine her crown.
As we were waiting for the friend to try on her dresses, Katie was looking around at what the store had to offer. "Mom", she says to me as she made her way around the racks, jutting her hip out to the side with her hand on her hip, "Mom, I am going to be Homecoming Queen!" I just had to laugh, for no reason other than my girls were all born with their father's confidence and not mine. "I am going to be Homecoming Queen, but if I don't win, I am still going to Homecoming." Now, Katie is just in middle school, so any chance of her going to the Homecoming Dance is still at least 3 years away. That didn't stop her from shopping for her dress (and calling double dibs on her sister's dress). She fell in love with the strappy purple number, and thought that I should buy it for her right then and there. In any case, she is bound and determined to attend that dance when it comes. And she is bound and determined to be crowned Homecoming Queen. I am not one to shatter her dreams. As long as she understands that there can only be one Queen, and a lot of girls in her class want to be it, I will go ahead and let her run for it when the time comes.
In my mind I can already picture it. Here Katie comes, clinging to her daddy's arm as he escorts her down the football field. The announcer introduces each girl, and when he comes to Katie, it goes something like this, "Next up we have Kaitlyn Cassette, escorted by her father. Katie is on the Honor Role, and a member of the National Honor Society. She is involved in Student Council and her church activities. Katie enjoys bowling, hanging out with her friends, and listening to her music. When she graduates high school, Katie dreams of being a greeter at Disneyworld." Then, as the previous queen walks back and forth amongst the girls, I will be up in the stands having a panic attack. When she finally puts the crowd on Katie's head, the crowd goes wild. I leap over the stands to attack her, and she is jumping up and down, screaming in excitement. Her grandparents are up in the stands, with her sisters and the rest of the family, beside themselves with emotion. Can you just see it? Can you picture it in your mind? Did I just make you cry?
Having a daughter with Autism is a roller coaster ride. The emotions alone take me on a ride every day of my life. A situation like the one I just described would be a culmination of 17 years of struggles, trials and tribulaions, triumphs and heartache. When Katie has something special happen, it is a direct reflection of how far she has come in her short life. The obstacles that she has navigated. It is also fullfilling to me, and her father. And to all the family, friends, teachers, and community members that have assisted her along the way. Her success is our success, and the pride we feel is overwhelming.
I am not saying that Katie is going to be the Homecoming Queen when she is a senior. But I am not saying that she won't be either. She is wanting more and more each day to do what her classmates are doing, go where they are going, and live like they are living. So who am I to tell her she can't? The whole world is out there, just waiting for her to take it on. There will be things that she will try that she will fail at. There will be things that she wants to do that she just can't do. Her heart will be broken by friends, by teachers, by her parents, by the world. But the same is just as true for my other two daughters. So if our Adventures in Autism lead her to becoming royalty, I will be the first in line to shine her crown.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
My wits end
Another summer is drawing to a close. I am not sure how I made it through in one piece. This was a very different summer in our house, very different from all the past summers. My kids were home with me most every day, and even though we had many activities going on, we still found plenty of time to get on each others nerves. We had a little too much "togetherness" I would say. I know quite a few teachers, between friends of mine who are teachers and family members. They all dread the end of the summer, and hate when I am counting down the days until school starts, so I apologize to them, but I don't know how much more of Katie I can take.
The summer days were fine when we had something planned, something to do. My other daughters spent a lot of time playing thier sports, so we were always running to practices, games, or camps. Summer catechism also occupied a good 3 weeks of our time. Play dates with friends and cousins were also a blessing, something to look forward to. But the down time between all these things just about killed me. My other daughters have no problem with down time. In fact, since they are so busy most of the time, they look forward to some loafing off, watching TV or movies, reading books or magazines, playing on the computer or listening to thier music. Katie doesn't know how to loaf off though. She will maybe watch a little TV, maybe listen to some music, but sooner or later she will find me and follow me around.
I personally don't have a lot of free time, even if my girls do. Since I work midnights, my day time when I am not working is spent catching up on chores, laundry, housekeeping, grocery shopping, the typical household things that keep moms busy. When the girls are in school it is no problem to get everything done. When they are home and I am running them around to their activities, the chores pile up. Then, when we do have "down time", I spend it frantically playing catch up. And they don't understand the responsibilites that moms have, and that those responsibilites don't stop for summer vacation. Katie will want to go for a bike ride, or plan a party, or any number of things that she will want me to do with her. I try to entertain her as much as I can, but there comes a point when I just need to get some work done. It is then that she decides to "help". I love that she wants to help, and I think it is important that she does some chores around the house, but all moms know that it is just easier sometimes to do it yourself. You can spend 3 times more effort fixing what they just "helped" you do.
Katie also has a tendency to want to follow me around the house to "talk". It is very hard to explain how exhausting it actually is to talk to a child with autism. It can be entertaining, it can be heartwarming, but it's also mentally and physically draining at times. You may think, "how hard can it be to just talk to her?" Every conversation is a debate, every conversation is a negotiation, every conversation has already been had a million times before. When a child will not take "no" for an answer, when explaining the reasons to them only creates more drama, when tears and yelling are the results of what they don't want to hear, it is too much to handle. Katie may seem very entertaining to family and friends, but to parents, there is no getting away from the constant conversation.
I can tell you all day about how hard it is to have a child with autism. I can write this blog, call you on the phone, cry on your shoulder. You can even spend time with Katie for awhile and see for yourself how she can be. But living it 24/7, spending the summer having her haunting my shadows, is a completley different story. She is a good kid. She is fun-loving and sweet, funny and entertaining. She is very low maintenance in most aspects. There are children that are much more difficult in every aspect, and I am very blessed to have her as my daughter. But I also have a frustration threshold that gets tested, especially at the end of every summer. My wits are at their end. I am ready for that school bus to come down the street. My brain is tired and my patience is gone. This summer our Adventures in Autism felt more like a punishment than a relaxing vacation.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Teenage Dreams
Well, it is official. Katie is a teenager! This milestone in her life is bittersweet for me, but so exciting for her. She celebrated with her usual multiple parties, from simple family get togethers, to her official "friends" pool party. I swore last year that it was going to be her last friends party, but somehow she talked me into another one.
Now that she is a teenager, she thinks that she needs to be instantly independent of me. Suddenly everything is, "MOM! I can do it myself! I am a teenager!" So I let her do as much as I can, even if that means I have to re-do things (without her knowing). Her shirts sometimes end up backwards, her tank tops inside out, and her shoes might end up on the wrong feet, but she is trying. The bathroom ends up with toothpaste all over the sink, water all over the counter, and the towel on the floor. The pillow case is half off her pillow on her bed, and the sheets hanging out of the comforter, but if I ask her to make her bed, who am I to complain? When I ask her to put her clothes away, the drawers are jammed shut, and the clothes crooked in the closet. I think she secretly likes to do household chores, though, because it makes her feel grown up.
My least favorite part of this whole "teenager" business, is her attitude. Now everything is done with a huff and a stomp of the feet, and a complaint. I am convinced that she learned that directly from her older sister. She has also taken to yelling at her sisters to leave her alone, or fighting with them over the TV and clothes. Like I said, this is all bittersweet. No mother in her right mind would wish for sibling rivalry, but to me it illustrates that she is right on track with other kids her age. She is going through the same "stages" and experiences the same growing pains that teenagers everywhere are feeling. So, lucky me, I now have 2 daughters in their teens.
My oldest daughter said to me the other day, "I don't like Teenage Katie". I know what she meant by it, because Katie used to be so docile and accommodating, and now she is somewhat surly and loud. In private I am cherishing every minute of it, because I love it when she hits a milestone on time, and she can feel like she is just a regular teen living her life. Every time I hear her stomping around and growling at someone, I secretly smile. This probably sounds insane to some people who have "regular" teens that are driving them crazy, but for the longest time I did not know if Katie was going to be able to live a regular life, and experience all the things that other kids her age went through. Like middle school and dances and detentions and having friends over and telephone calls and birthday parties and I-Pods and designer clothes and pizza and lockers and swim class and honor society and Pepsi and slumber parties and everything else that every other teen dreams of and lives every day of their lives. And Katie has done it all. And I love it.
I know some people are reading this and thinking, "that doesn't sound like the happy Katie that I know". I don't mean to paint a picture of a crabby, uncommunicative monster, because she is far from that. She is still that most cheerful kid I know, and always has a smile and a hug for everyone. She loves to dance to her favorite music and play on her I-Pod, and talk to her friends and hang out with her cousins. There has just been a definite change in her demeanor over the last few months. And I know that it is completely normal for a teenage girl. I am not complaining about it in the least. Sometimes our Adventures in Autism are not so different from every other teenager.
Now that she is a teenager, she thinks that she needs to be instantly independent of me. Suddenly everything is, "MOM! I can do it myself! I am a teenager!" So I let her do as much as I can, even if that means I have to re-do things (without her knowing). Her shirts sometimes end up backwards, her tank tops inside out, and her shoes might end up on the wrong feet, but she is trying. The bathroom ends up with toothpaste all over the sink, water all over the counter, and the towel on the floor. The pillow case is half off her pillow on her bed, and the sheets hanging out of the comforter, but if I ask her to make her bed, who am I to complain? When I ask her to put her clothes away, the drawers are jammed shut, and the clothes crooked in the closet. I think she secretly likes to do household chores, though, because it makes her feel grown up.
My least favorite part of this whole "teenager" business, is her attitude. Now everything is done with a huff and a stomp of the feet, and a complaint. I am convinced that she learned that directly from her older sister. She has also taken to yelling at her sisters to leave her alone, or fighting with them over the TV and clothes. Like I said, this is all bittersweet. No mother in her right mind would wish for sibling rivalry, but to me it illustrates that she is right on track with other kids her age. She is going through the same "stages" and experiences the same growing pains that teenagers everywhere are feeling. So, lucky me, I now have 2 daughters in their teens.
My oldest daughter said to me the other day, "I don't like Teenage Katie". I know what she meant by it, because Katie used to be so docile and accommodating, and now she is somewhat surly and loud. In private I am cherishing every minute of it, because I love it when she hits a milestone on time, and she can feel like she is just a regular teen living her life. Every time I hear her stomping around and growling at someone, I secretly smile. This probably sounds insane to some people who have "regular" teens that are driving them crazy, but for the longest time I did not know if Katie was going to be able to live a regular life, and experience all the things that other kids her age went through. Like middle school and dances and detentions and having friends over and telephone calls and birthday parties and I-Pods and designer clothes and pizza and lockers and swim class and honor society and Pepsi and slumber parties and everything else that every other teen dreams of and lives every day of their lives. And Katie has done it all. And I love it.
I know some people are reading this and thinking, "that doesn't sound like the happy Katie that I know". I don't mean to paint a picture of a crabby, uncommunicative monster, because she is far from that. She is still that most cheerful kid I know, and always has a smile and a hug for everyone. She loves to dance to her favorite music and play on her I-Pod, and talk to her friends and hang out with her cousins. There has just been a definite change in her demeanor over the last few months. And I know that it is completely normal for a teenage girl. I am not complaining about it in the least. Sometimes our Adventures in Autism are not so different from every other teenager.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sister Mary Katherine
Katie has spent the last few weeks attending summer catechism. It is an intense 3 week session that completes an entire year of catechism classes. Katie has been attending catechism classes since she was young, and always seemed to enjoy them and learn from them, but not nearly as much as she has absolutely loved this summer session. I don't know if it the constant repitition of the daily Mass, or the building on the concepts from the day before instead of the week before, but she is soaking it all in. She loves the teacher, loves her classmates, loves the prayers, and especially loves the snack break.
I was doing the dishes last week, and Katie was all over me. Every time I turned around, there she was. I finally told her to get out of the kitchen so I could get my work done and she said, "But mom, I am trying to help you. And I learned at church that I am not too young to serve the Lord." I almost fell over when she said that. First of all, it was the cutest thing ever. Second of all, it showed me that not only is she learning the lesson, but also understanding how it fits into daily life. For me that is the hardest part. I teach catechism to a much younger grade, and it is very difficult to translate the lesson into the "every day". It is one thing to read a chapter, answer some questions, and learn a prayer. It is a much more difficult chore to look at that concept and say, "what does this mean to me?" And with Katie being autistic, abstract concepts are one of the hardest things for her to interpret. Literal topics, and facts, are much easier for her to handle.
A few days later, Katie was down the basement "talking to her friends", and I needed her to come upstairs for dinner. I yelled down to her to come up and she says, "Mom, I am reading the Gospels!" How can you help not smiling a little at that, or even tearing up. It is amazing to me how she has embraced her religion. It got me to thinking. I wonder why religion is so easy for most individuals with cognitive and neurological issues. Have you ever seen how devote people with Downs Syndrome can be? They are the biggest believers out there. They don't question religion, or make a fuss about going to church. They are the first in line to go worship. They know all the prayers, all the gestures, all the traditions. They love God without apology or embarrassment or hesitation. That is also true for the few Autitic people I have seen in the religious setting. When I look at it logically, I would assume that anyone with any kind of cognitive disablity would struggle with religion because it isn't black and white. It can't be proven. It cannot be explained completely by any one person. Faith is hard. "Regular" people who are highly intelligent can have a difficult time with it.
Going to church with Katie is another experience in itself. She knows all of the responses (and does them loudly), sings all the songs (loudly), and runs up to get communion. I have been working with her this summer on being more reverant, but do I really want to curttail her enthusiam for the Mass? Or am I doing this so I am not embarrassed when the other members turn and stare? I have learned over the years to not worry about what other people think of Katie. It is their problem if they think she is weird or strange. I need to be proud of her and encourage her to be as loving in her faith as she is. I have, in the past, explained to people sitting around me that she is Autistic. I don't do this because I have to, or because I am apologizing for her, but so they understand that she isn't being rude or disrespectful. I have turned many evil stares into a "God Bless You" when I have shook hands and said to them, "I hope my daughter isn't disturbing you. She is Autitic, and she really gets into the service." That way that person can go home feeling like they witnessed something beautiful, instead of going home angry, thinking that a child was misbehaving and not being disaplined for it. Sometimes a few simple words can make all the difference in the world.
My family says a prayer before eating dinner, and my girls say a prayer with me before bed each night, but those are more rehearsed and memorized prayers. I walked into Katie's room to find her with her eyes closed. "Mom, I am praying to God." As she sat there with her little hands folded and eyes shut tight, I joked to my husband that she was going to be the first Autistic nun, so I nicknamend her "Sister Mary Katherine". Now, every time she quotes a lesson from catechism, or is telling her pretend friends about the Gospels, I call her that. I never thought that our Adventures in Autism would be our ticket into heaven.
I was doing the dishes last week, and Katie was all over me. Every time I turned around, there she was. I finally told her to get out of the kitchen so I could get my work done and she said, "But mom, I am trying to help you. And I learned at church that I am not too young to serve the Lord." I almost fell over when she said that. First of all, it was the cutest thing ever. Second of all, it showed me that not only is she learning the lesson, but also understanding how it fits into daily life. For me that is the hardest part. I teach catechism to a much younger grade, and it is very difficult to translate the lesson into the "every day". It is one thing to read a chapter, answer some questions, and learn a prayer. It is a much more difficult chore to look at that concept and say, "what does this mean to me?" And with Katie being autistic, abstract concepts are one of the hardest things for her to interpret. Literal topics, and facts, are much easier for her to handle.
A few days later, Katie was down the basement "talking to her friends", and I needed her to come upstairs for dinner. I yelled down to her to come up and she says, "Mom, I am reading the Gospels!" How can you help not smiling a little at that, or even tearing up. It is amazing to me how she has embraced her religion. It got me to thinking. I wonder why religion is so easy for most individuals with cognitive and neurological issues. Have you ever seen how devote people with Downs Syndrome can be? They are the biggest believers out there. They don't question religion, or make a fuss about going to church. They are the first in line to go worship. They know all the prayers, all the gestures, all the traditions. They love God without apology or embarrassment or hesitation. That is also true for the few Autitic people I have seen in the religious setting. When I look at it logically, I would assume that anyone with any kind of cognitive disablity would struggle with religion because it isn't black and white. It can't be proven. It cannot be explained completely by any one person. Faith is hard. "Regular" people who are highly intelligent can have a difficult time with it.
Going to church with Katie is another experience in itself. She knows all of the responses (and does them loudly), sings all the songs (loudly), and runs up to get communion. I have been working with her this summer on being more reverant, but do I really want to curttail her enthusiam for the Mass? Or am I doing this so I am not embarrassed when the other members turn and stare? I have learned over the years to not worry about what other people think of Katie. It is their problem if they think she is weird or strange. I need to be proud of her and encourage her to be as loving in her faith as she is. I have, in the past, explained to people sitting around me that she is Autistic. I don't do this because I have to, or because I am apologizing for her, but so they understand that she isn't being rude or disrespectful. I have turned many evil stares into a "God Bless You" when I have shook hands and said to them, "I hope my daughter isn't disturbing you. She is Autitic, and she really gets into the service." That way that person can go home feeling like they witnessed something beautiful, instead of going home angry, thinking that a child was misbehaving and not being disaplined for it. Sometimes a few simple words can make all the difference in the world.
My family says a prayer before eating dinner, and my girls say a prayer with me before bed each night, but those are more rehearsed and memorized prayers. I walked into Katie's room to find her with her eyes closed. "Mom, I am praying to God." As she sat there with her little hands folded and eyes shut tight, I joked to my husband that she was going to be the first Autistic nun, so I nicknamend her "Sister Mary Katherine". Now, every time she quotes a lesson from catechism, or is telling her pretend friends about the Gospels, I call her that. I never thought that our Adventures in Autism would be our ticket into heaven.
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